i've realized something. i'm an ungrateful son of a schlag.
there's so many things in life to be thankful of that it's plain obvious i'm an idiot for being oblivious to them.
really i've sulked for too long, dwelling on every single shit that comes along.
time to take a new initiative, gain a new perspective.
life's just too short for thinking of crap all the time. hell life's too short for anything really, but wasting it on misery is one heck of a way to ruin your life.
the current pros in this insignificant existence of mine:
i. i have a car. my own kriffin' car. sure i didn't buy it with my fortune, but it's still under my name! and i'm 18 (going 19)! who the heck has a car at 18? (ok, a lot of people do, but what do i care?)
ii. it's the holidays. yes, it's a complete, utter bore of a holiday but at least it's an escape from all those damn books and assignments
iii. i'm home. and home is peaceful today. that's nice. 'rents are awesome today.
iv. i've started writing again. i don't mean these ridiculous rants, but actual writing. i actually love writing. (or typing) it's a way for me to express my thoughts, no matter how stupid they are. it doesn't matter if nobody else gets it, cause i don't either. and i'm in love with my icarus piece!!! yes that's vain but do i give a bloody damn?
v. money. yes you read that right. i'm thankful for it. i don't have serious financial issues. miraculously i can somehow control my spending when it's required of me. i attribute this to the fact that i despise shopping. i buy clothes like, once every blue moon. heck a blue moon comes up more often. every piece of clothing i have now is AT LEAST 3 years old. i simply don't bloody care what people think of me, fashion wise. my money, other than necessities, are only spent on novels or hobbies that are addressed once a year. so yes, money is not a problem for me. even if i overspend i usually cover it up the subsequent months.
vi. my other car (my dad's actually) has a new kriffin' radio!!! finally!!! after 5 YEARS of nagging he finally listened and installed a decent modern radio, with USB!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY NOW I DON'T HAVE TO CARRY MY BLOODY NOKIA SPEAKER EVERYWHERE TO LISTEN TO MY IPOD!!!
BLISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
vii. i'm entering my first year! i'm a frakkin' UNDERG
viii. novels!!! i have enough new ones to last the next two months!!!
ix. friends. this is a given. i'm not exactly the most sociable guy in the world. i tend to be very, very shy to strangers. i only unleash my inner crazy monster around people i care most. (wait, what?) i'm only my real self around people i know, care, and love. you know who you guys are. no matter what, i'll always love you guys, the brothers/sisters i never had. the ones i'd give the world for. you kids give my life meaning, a greater purpose, a reason to fight. and i'll never forget any of that. feel free to unburden on me if you wish to, though i can't imagine why anyone would want moi as an audience.
x. life. i'm supremely, extremely, bloody grateful for being alive. i realize i'm not exactly significant in the scheme of things, but i'm still glad i'm alive. every breath is a blessing, every waking moment a treasure, and i hope i'll last till my inevitable end is without regret.
alright. that's the stuff i'm thankful for right now. certainly there's more, but i'm too lazy to think of the words to express them. au revoir.
p.s. to my dearest friends. please know that there i am always, always here if you need me. i know i'm not exactly the go-to guy for advice, i kind of suck at that, but i'll always listen. always. i'll even be your target of rage if you wish. just please don't give up or despair. it pains my heart to see such sadness. so please, just tell me what you need, and i won't rest till i put a smile back on your face.
